Obama-Era Officials Figure Iran’s No-Nukes Fatwa Stored Together With No-Shooting-Protesters Fatwa

Ben Rhodes added that Americans can make the same confident assumption about China’s Muslim Uighur minority.

Washington, November 18 – Former cabinet members and other people within the administration of the previous US president again assured Americans they need not worry about the welfare of demonstrators under Tehran’s rule, since there must be a religious ruling by Ayatollah Ali Khamenei barring the use of live fire against such demonstrators, just as Obama assured them of the existence of such a ruling barring the development of atomic weapons, which of course the mullahs have not pursued thanks to the Obama administration’s rock-solid pursuit of the JCPOA deal. The officials surmise that clerks in Tehran have filed the two rulings in the same hard-to find place, a fact that explains the difficulties encountered so far in publishing the details thereof.

“It’s gotta be somewhere,” stated former Secretary of State John Kerry, a key figure in the negotiations that led to the 2015 nuclear deal that effectively legitimized Iran’s nuclear weapons program. “President Obama spoke of a fatwa that banned the development of nuclear weapons, and he would never have embellished the truth to convince the American people to support the deal. By the same token, the protesters in Iran who have taken to the streets again and again over the last several months, after doing so in the early days of the previous administration to demand democratic freedoms, can rest easy under our assumption that the Ayatollah has also at some point issued a fatwa declaring it ‘haram’ to shoot unarmed protesters.”

“The alleged fact that no one has seen either of these two fatwas is immaterial,” he continued. “If you cannot trust the proclamations of the one president and his advisers who subordinated every element of his foreign policy to a deal that emboldened Iran’s imperialist machinations throughout the Middle East and smoothed its way to weapons of mass destruction that could target us and our allies in that region, whom can you trust?”

Obama adviser Ben Rhodes added that Americans can make the same confident assumption about China’s Muslim Uighur minority. “Not everything requires believing the agitprop of warmongers,” he commented. “A few hundred reports of systematic imprisonment, ‘reeducation,’ rape, cultural genocide, displacement, and political repression of millions of people do not a crisis make. It’s just like during the 2012 presidential campaign when Mitt Romney was talking up the geopolitical threat from Russia, of all places – I mean, hello, doesn’t he realize we’re friends now? The cold war ended decades ago. It would take some serious manipulation of political mechanisms and social media to get Americans to think otherwise. Live in the present, you know?”

“Anyway, the two fatwas are definitely together in the same place,” he concluded. “If you haven’t found one yet, you won’t find the other.”

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