Perhaps thou wishest to undergo a trial run with thy wife’s Egyptian maidservant? Thou canst always disown the tyke if he displeaseth thee. I am the LORD who hath taken thee out of Ur of the Chaldeans to give unto ...
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Feed SubscriptionElitism Isn’t Working, So We’re Going To Keep Trying It
By Isaac Herzog, Labor Party Chairman Last year and this year brought more than their share of electoral surprises. In each case, the left-leaning media lulled us leftists into complacency by predicting a weakening of the Right, if not our ...
Read More »Americans, Why Do You Need Elections AGAIN? Once Should Be Fine.
By Mahmoud Abbas, Palestinian President I don’t get it. You Americans can’t seem to leave well enough alone. You had an election back in 2004, and again in 2008. You even had one in 2012, as if the two previous ones ...
Read More »So Enlightened Of You To Ignore My Words And Say I Kill Jews Over The Lack Of A Diplomatic Horizon
By Hussein Jibril, stabbing attack planner Many of our apologists are educated people, which makes it a little strange to have them disregard what we actually say about violence against Jews and attribute it to something else. That must be what ...
Read More »If You’d Just Let Us Kill You, Maybe We’d Stop Killing You
By Bassem Tamimi, Palestinian activist Perhaps the most persistent argument in defense of the wall that keeps us Palestinians imprisoned is that it prevents attacks on Israelis. But that contention could not be more ridiculous, because if the Zionists would ...
Read More »I Urge Palestinian-Americans To Wait Till Nov. 9, Then Vote For The Winner
We Palestinians have always been challenged with choosing the winning side in any strategic disagreement. That is why I strongly recommend to our brethren who hold American citizenship to be extra cautious during this presidential election, and wait to see ...
Read More »Those Fair Maidens From All Over My Empire Were Asking For It
By Ahashverosh, Emperor of Perso-Media I’m an accomplished man. You don’t get to rule a vast empire – from India to Ethiopia, as they say, a hundred-twenty-seven provinces – without political and economic acumen. I’ve got that in spades. Naturally, ...
Read More »If You Don’t Stop Bombing Aleppo, I’ll Threaten To Make Threats!
By John Kerry, US Secretary of State President Putin, the time has come for a fateful decision. Either you want to pursue a resolution of the Syrian conflict by diplomatic means, or you do not. But whichever choice you make, ...
Read More »I’m Pretty Sure My Vision Didn’t Involve Funeral Traffic Snarls
By Shimon Peres Oh look, I’m dead now. That’s a relief. Yes, it’s sad and disappointing, but the time comes for everyone, and I’ve had more time than most. Media attention has already turned to pretentious discussion of my legacy ...
Read More »Those Dying Syrians Are Making Us Look Like A Bunch Of Crybabies
By Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian National Authority Under many circumstances I’d feel sorry for our Syrian brothers being subjected to barbaric cruelty at the hands of Assad’s air force and Russian warplanes, but these are not those circumstances. Not when their ...
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